dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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