Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
