I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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