Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
