Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
