Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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