I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
