I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
