yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You made out with two different species that night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My feet surprised me
Randomize
