There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
