u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
