Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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