I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
