Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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