You just made me feel so damn special
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
