What a fucking waste of an outfit
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
