I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
