I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
