Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
