Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
