Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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