You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
