based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
