ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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