You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
