I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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