Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
