Pants 0. Shit 1.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
