so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
