just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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