I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
