Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
