just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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