i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
