she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
