Your face is a jimmy john
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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