end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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