from now on my penis is your penis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
