apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
