so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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