my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
50% drunk capacity currently
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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