I can text with my tongue
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
