why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
