Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
