Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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