u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
