Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's JV to your varsity
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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