Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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