What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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