did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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