He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
