Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
