my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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