Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
