Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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