used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize